Back on the track

There was a time I was like a fool. There was a time I lost what I got. There was times, many indeed, I couldn’t not even see, see me.

Of course you only live once. We cant predict the future. It would not be fun otherwise. Not at all.

Hence, regrets I have a few. Yes, I could have done much more than that. Much more. It is true that I often look back and think, it was better, even though worse, like that.

Yes… but I cannot close my eyes. I know the battles a lost. I know the ones I did not fight. I mirrored myself in my own mistakes. And I did more than that. Even after all the jacks were in the box, I pretended to be, or not to be, a Shakespearean clown. 

My bad memory is not that bad. It kept the references needed to survive. And having fear is one way to avoid tragedies. The fearless are as dangerous, or even more dangerous, than the fearful. I met both in this journey and I found myself swapping between them…

And the rest is silence.

Song: Heart in a cage (Strokes) and Starman (David Bowie)

I had some evil-lution to say. So, many. My bitterness helps me to see that things. It shows the dark side of the force.

We should not expect to have flowers in the window as the spring comes. We have to plant it. We have to make the society, ourselves and whatever we can better.

Yes, I do not like so many things. I do not like to waste my time. I do not like to repeat things. I do not like things that do not improve. I hate them! I do not like silence where should have words, I do not like words, in the moment of silence!

I do not like to follow the rules, I like to make them myself! Yes, conquer this bankrupted world! I have a plan, a masterplan… hahahahha

Song: Villa Lobos com violao em um quarto de hotel.

So, it is the last time I write about something that just took place. The songs were perfect. The radio appeared to read my mind. Can you read my mind?

Yes, songs are so important in life. But when they get meaningless after being so meaningful… yes, meaningless.

English helped me to understand. To sing. But empty.

I wrote before, at some point, that the silence is as important as the sound. This was bitter sweet, and a symphony. Symphonies, to my current stage, means a lot.

Past, present and future….

Song: Dream a Little Dream (M&P)

Thus, it is time to close down this lovely blog. It is time. It has meant too much in the time passed by, it meant.

Wherever you say changes things surrounding you. A spoken word is like as flying arrow, there is no way to step back. A written word, published in the net, is a flying bomb.

In these last 4 years I have learnt a lot. Learnt with myself. It may sound arrogant, as self references sounds often. Yes, but looking back, not in anger, make me think about the decisions, the crossroads, roundabouts, a fork stuck in a road…

 So, listening Hendrix, who have followed me during most of this time, I close down this long and winding road. But how many roads must a man walk down?

The answer is, perhaps, blowing in the wind…

Song: The wind cries Mary (Hendrix)

So, what makes a characteristic good or bad? Mainly, I believe, the situation and the point of view of that.

Yes. Some are sort of consensual. Intelligent, good appearance, among others are, considered good to have. However, even the most human feature, the intelligence, has shortcoming. Who has never heard that stupidity is  a blessing? That god, and the queen, bless the morrows….

In my point of view what really matters is, in the end of the day, how we use these features we have. How we understand their influence in our life. How to make things better when they tend to be worse.

So, at this moment I had to take some decisions. And pay the (high) price for them. Career. Career… could I do it again as I did in 2003/2004? To leap, so high, so high?

In the past I used to be envious of the good-looking people. Yes. Also of the people with money, as money open so many doors and, ultimately, implies a freedom the moneyless cannot have.

Nowadays I am only envious from the ones whom can sleep. Sleeping is priceless.

My little baby is not so little anymore.

My little baby is not such a baby anymore.

My little baby…

There was a time it was the nicest, and toothless, smile I have ever seen

Now it is, with teeth

Father’s love in the only unconditional love someone can get

The mothers are unconditional as well,

as long as you love them better than the father!!

And my little baby knows it!

Ok,

ok,

I told her!!!

Song: Here comes the sun (The Beatles)

So, probably what has made this blog so important was the insanity which kept hovering over me during so many times.

At some point, in 2005, something, which I cannot explain very well, turned my mind upside down. And it took to me many years to overcome that. It was a problem causing problems. The insanity was my most frequent friend. My hottest lover. It blazed, burnt…

I did not produce, or was smart enough to produce valuable things in between. 3 dead years. I thought, at some point that it was irreversible. I talked alone. Not only, I started to prefer talking alone!!!  

I had my guitars, the music, and third parties insanity to calm me down. The insanity was the price I have paid for the few gifts I received. They were in the same package. But now I know, I will have a couple of years in peace.

But in the end of the day is it less bearable to be insane? The sanity can be so cruel…

Song: My way (Sex Pistols)